


Who said I can't love you?

by keimichi



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: But Not Porn, Crack, Crack Pairing, Crack Relationships, Humor, If you guys have any suggestions, Inanimate Objects, Just for Laughs, Multi, Other, Parody, Rule 34, Short Stories, Suggestive Themes, progressively longer tho, reposted from ffn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10281965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keimichi/pseuds/keimichi
Summary: A collection of purely crack short stories, featuring the 100% legit love stories of KHR characters. With highly suggestive themes.Chapter 1: The floor would always invite him in. (Dino x Floor)Chapter 2: His fedora would always come first. (Reborn x Fedora)Chapter 3: Really. They're actually canon. (Tsuna x Leon)





	1. Falling for you

**Author's Note:**

> A bunch of short drabbles on crack pairings. Rated T for very suggestive things.  
> (Unsure if I should raise it, so please tell me if you deem it inappropriate for T rated fics.)
> 
> Reposted from FFN.
> 
> Warning: very, very suggestive themes with inanimate objects. C:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The floor would always invite him in._  
>  Pairing: Dino x Floor
> 
> 390 words

Dino stared at the floor under him.

He could feel himself harden at the sight if the glittering, shining floor. The light that reflected on its surface was so bright, filled with lust.

The way it invited him in, how it would just innocently trip him just so that they could feel each other.

No one, not even Romario would ever bring him this far.

Dino ran a hand through the surface, absorbing each and every single sensation it passed through his skin. The smooth and cold feeling under his fingers made him tremble in delight. He grinder their body together, both already extremely hard, like as if they always welcomed each other. The friction between his clothed skin and the floor's naked, cold one was so amazing it brought a shiver down his spine.

The way he would get the floor all wet...

He licked the smooth surface, teeth hitting the cracks of the tiles. He didn't care if it was dirty, it was just how much he loved the floor. It's not like the floor ever gave him any choice with its Tsundere personality when he would fell face first to the floor. Sometimes, it would get bloody, his lips would bleed from the kissing, but he doesn't mind either. In fact, the floor getting wild turned him on.

But he doesn't care. They still shared a relationship that no one else did.

A long time ago, he was clumsy and everyone else would laugh at him, the floor never did. It always welcomed him with open arms.

Though recently, he had been suspecting the floor to have an affair behind his back with his little bro Tsuna. He even walked on them yesterday, Tsuna on his knees, on the floor. But he had forgiven, because he would always be the first.

The way he could dominate the floor, knowing that it belonged to no one else but him. That he would always be the first.

Now, those times they spent with each other would diminish, but it only made it more precious and special. Even if his Famiglia disapprove of them two being together, and would always stop him and the floor from meeting each other by being near him…

Dino only lives for the floor. Because he fell for it at first sight. They were destined.


	2. You were my first

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His fedora would always come first.
> 
> Pairing: Reborn x Fedora. (Fedora x Reborn?)  
> Hinted Reborn x Leon, Leon x Fedora. (Threesome?)
> 
> 650 words

If you ask anyone in the mafia world who Reborn was, every single person would respond that he was the number one hitman. Yes, no one would ever doubt the skills of the sun Arcobaleno, even in his infant form. If you ask them what Reborn's weakness was, everyone single one of them would look at you as if you were crazy. Even if two pupils know that Reborn had no weakness at all.

Little do they know, he actually does have a weakness.

And that was his fedora.

Reborn was at his secret base at Tsuna's school. It was class period and he knew that no one would bother him during this time. He had it all alone, just him and his dear, _beautiful_ fedora.

The dark raven color of his hat... _Oh_ , how he enjoyed seeing It barely covered with nothing but a orange band. He has to admit it, it looked extremely sexy that way, just concealing the strict minimum.

What else than a elegant rimmed orange hat to match a first class hitman?

It all started a long time ago, before Reborn was even known in the mafia world.

They were childhood friends.

Introduced by Reborn's parents, their relationship was very rocky at first. Reborn was in fact, jealous of the fedora: why does his father sent more time with the fedora than him?

However, time went by and Reborn accepted the fedora as his friend. The fedora would be there for him, always, even when his parents weren't around.

His first kill was made in front of his fedora. It accompanied him in his career as an assassin, as his most trust worthy partner. They even grew close, extremely close to the point that no one would ever comprehend.

He gazed at the hat, hands slowly caressing the smooth surface. He could still the warmth emitting from it. He smirked, knowing it was him who was responsible for filling the fedora with warmth.

He enjoyed the way the hat would move along his hand. The hat always knew his sensitive spots. The hat would always caress his curly side burns, giving him chills in his back.

Reborn groaned as he could feel himself inside him, the warmness emitting from its soft interior. (*)

His first times were with his fedora too. All of them. Heck, he would never let anyone else have his first time.

If Bianchi knew, she would probably murder his fedora. Bianchi might have been his Fourth lover, but the fedora was his _First_ , and would always be his lover. However, he sometimes feels almost guilty that Bianchi takes all her time taking care of him while he took care if the fedora.

Of course, there were those sweet moments as well. Like how its presence would keep the hitman cool by sheltering him in the summer, or how the warmth doesn't get away because the fedora would trap it, just for him.

obviously, Reborn would never say it out loud, but the fedora was the only one Reborn would ever let to top himself.

Then, Leon came along.

That's when he had to share his hat with the lizard. He didn't mind it. Because when those times happens, the fedora would be in the middle while the hitman and the lizard would take their respective places on and bellow the hat.

Those times were truly fun for Reborn.

But of course, even if the hitman proclaimed Leon as his trusty partner, no one knew that the fedora was also part of the crew.

The fedora would always come first. No matter what.

To hell with those who dare to say otherwise; he might let the fedora top, but it didn't mean he couldn't stand over them when he would bury them 10 feet under ground.

After that, he would just go and enjoy an other day with his sexy fedora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) _what are you thinking?_ It's referring to Reborn's head of course. What else goes into a hat?


	3. Meant to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Really. They're actually canon._
> 
> Pairing: Tsuna x Leon.
> 
>  **Chapter Warning** : OOCness, bullshit, some character bashing(...), Mpreg(?), unanim... I mean Leon. Just. Leon.
> 
> 1253 words

 

"Jyuudaime! Jyuuda—"

" _ **Hiiie!**_ "

Gokudera's mouth was immediately covered by a small hand.

This calmed down the excited bomber, curious why his Jyuudaime was hiding behind a bush with suspicious big shades and a handkerchief tied under his nose and around his head. Tsuna motioned for his friend to come closer and to hide behind the bush.

Eyes sparkling, Gokudera obeyed and whispered (rather loudly) to his boss, "What are you doing, Jyuudaime?"

"I'm stalking Reborn," Tsuna answered, eyes never leaving the said-person (baby).

Gokudera looked at his boss as if Tsuna had grown a second head, then looked at the direction the brunet was looking. Indeed, there was the unsuspecting(?) Reborn, drinking his espresso innocently.

"Why would Jyuudaime stalk Reborn-san?"

This made Tsuna froze and look back. Gokudera seemed to have not seen the look of horror in his boss' eyes. If he did, he deemed it irreverent.

"I... Ahaha..." the mafia boss laughed uneasily at his own slip of tongue.

And the second later, Tsuna disappeared from Gokudera's view. However, it didn't come into Gokudera's mind as to why his boss fled. He simply clasped his hands and said with shiny eyes, "Jyuudaime is so fast!"

Twilight should be sued for copyright. Obviously Gpkudera's sparkles are the real, authentic ones. Well, who cares about sparkling vampires, we're in KHR.

Moving on.

' _No! No! No! Nooooo!_ ' Tsuna though as he sprinted faster than he did in his whole life. ' _How can I break it to them! And if Reborn knew, he'd kill me!_ ' He almost cried at that thought.

He preferred to be found out by Reborn than by HIM.

Who was Tsuna actually stalking, you wonder?

Okay, you got me it was The sadistic tort- I mean, tutor named Reborn.

But who was Tsuna stalking him for?

It was none other than Leon, of course!

Tsuna blushed slightly as he thought of the cute, oh so adorable green little chameleon that was named Leon.

Leon.

 **Leon**...

 **Leon** -

" ** _Leon!_** " he exclaimed with a dreamy look. He didn't notice the drool that long dripped to the ground, nor the extremely perverted face he was making. Rainbow sparkles flashed everywhere. Unicorns were dancing, heart clouds floating around him... there was even an angel somewhere in there singing about love with a harp.

Now, now, if you are wondering why Tsuna wasn't daydreaming about Sasagawa Kyoko instead of stalking some green lizard thing, it was simple. How can crush compare to true love?

Besides, what did Kyoko actually do to Tsuna to make his life better? Nothing!

Well Leon has always been there for him!

How can he forget?

"Our first encounter..." he giggled in a girly voice. "That green, wiggly, slimy, little cutie with big adorable, stare-into-your-soul eyes, innocent, perfect, expressively beautiful eyes. That smile ever present smile could brighten up his whole world forever. The way he walks, those cute little feet that moves so fast yet so cutely! **_OoOooh!~_** "

"Has Tsuna always been like that?" Yamamoto asked Gokudera, confused, both observing in the sidelines.

"Of course not, you Baka! Jyuudaime is perfectly fine! There's nothing wrong with him, get it? Nothing! He's perfectly sane! Sane, I tell you!" Gokudera said as he started strangling Yamamoto and forcing the information on him.

"Ahaha! I get it, I get it!" Yamamoto half laughed, half choked. It took some more time for Yamamoto to finally convince Gokudera to stop strangling him. With a few awkward sheepish laughs, Yamamoto rubbed his neck and commented to himself, "I never said Tsuna wasn't sane..."

Now back to Tsuna, who was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice his two guardians.

Leon.

Leon was perfect. He was perfect!

Mary sues' eyes perpetually change color? So what! **Leon could change his body!** Besides, he and Leon are **_canon_**. (*)

There was so many times Leon helped Tsuna, with that sexy body of his.

Leon was his angel, his savior. Without Leon, he would have been expelled from Namimori. He didn't ask for it, really. He would never though that the on who took the first approach was Leon. Leon had willingly transformed for him to find that time capsule.

That's when the little crush he had suddenly bloomed.

There were no words needed. He didn't need Leon to tell him that He loved him.

They were soul mates, so perfect to each another.

And then, and then!

One day, he became the happiest man alive!

Tsuna suddenly popped out his gloves from his pockets and looked at them with all the fondness and love and adoration and pride that anyone would think off. He wiped away a single drop of tear from his eyes...

" **THESE! THESE ARE THE PRODUCT OF OUR LOVE! OUR _BABIES_!** "

Really, he was a bit jealous when he had first heard that Enzo and Dino's whip were Leon's child. But when he learned that Leon was pregnant, just for him, he felt pride and fondness swelling in him. It was weird though, to see Leon with shape swings, but Tsuna heard it was normal during pregnancy. But really, he wasn't all that prepared for being a father at that time, but still assisted the labor.

When seeing his baby for the first time, he felt so amazed. Their baby was the splitting image of him. Usually, it was just a pair of mittens, useless because they were in the middle of summer. But then, when strong emotion overwhelmed those mittens, they would become X-gloves, strong and powerful, just like how he, Tsuna was dame but powerful with a Dying Will.

"Yes, the HDW bullet was from Leon, who gave it to me so I could have the power to protect out baby..."

"Leon, you're so perfect... I KNOW MY ATTEMPTS TO SEDUCE YOU HAVE FAILED(dressing up as your mate didn't work(*)), BUT I WILL TRY AGAIN! **WITH MY DYING WILL!** "

And for some reason, Tsuna suddenly entered in HDW on his own, without bullet or pill to help him, because the power of love was just so strong that he broke the law of his universe. And with that, he and his twin sons(the X-gloves) carried out to the sunset to find more ways of stalking Leon.

"Ahaha, that was a funny game, wasn't it?"

"I'm telling you, you bastard! Jyuudaime is sane, he's sane!"

 ****"Ahaha..."

Somewhere, Reborn pulled down his fedora. A smirk on his face, he said to himself, "The hat and I are not sharing, Baka Tsuna."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*)Refering to the chapter where they organized a festival to cheer up a depressed Chrome, and Tsuna promptly dressed up as Leon.
> 
> And that's it for all the chapters I have written. So slow and spontaneous updates from now on. Suggestions are extremely appreciated because, while I have ideas for a lot of them, I am lacking ideas for even more. Especially creative ones. (Xanxus, Mukuro, Basil, Giotto and Fran are taken!)

**Author's Note:**

> Opinions? Crack pairings you'd like to see? Don't forget to leave a comment~ 
> 
> (That comment box is seducing you to do it, you know it)


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